The Trash Super Pussy Club of Patpong in Bangkok, Thailand

4:00:00 PM Jerik De Guzman 2 Comments

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STORY: If there's one must see place for travelers going to Bangkok in Thailand, it's Patpong - the land created for those with throbbing libido and weird sensibilities. Don't be shy. Bangkok isn't embarrassed with the reality that one of the main reasons why people, most single men, go all the way from the other side of the world to Bangkok is to get laid. Men and women are all welcome to explore the short time joys of the city of smiles. Thailand is the country where sex is the most common souvenir, and no greater example is Patpong. Everyone i know who've been to Bangkok or are going there have been talking about Patpong like it's the new Disneyland. They say a trip to the city wouldn't be complete without an excursion to the red light district. It is here where the lonely becomes happy and the pale becomes excited. It is here where people will most definitely feel good, fulfilling fantasies they cannot get back home. As long as the pocket is full, everyone, regardless of age, sex or religion, will become a hotshot here.

Patpong is an entertainment juggernaut for the social. It is right smack in between side streets of Silom and Surawong Road. Patpong 1, 2 and even 3 are lined up with go-go bars next to each other. Apart from the joints, there's occasional shopping with fake diesel jeans and class A rolex watches sold just in front of night clubs. Imagine a family strolling around Silom with little kids making a circuit in the district. As the family eats their Subway sandwiches and cones of ice cream, they look pass multi-colored lights of funny named brothels. Patpong 1 and 2 are for straight sexual encounters, while Patpong 3 and Silom Soi 4 caters to mostly gays and lesbians.

FIRST TIME: I've been to Patpong twice in my lifetime, and i should have reminded myself once is enough. The first time i was here was years ago. I was with two friends of mine, all of whom i just met in Bangkok, Adam from Canada and Roslin from Thailand. Like any newbie, i was excited to see what the craze was all about. I put on my sharpest outfit and rode the tuk-tuk together with my friends to Patpong. In a sleazy go-go bar  called Super Pussy Club, I noticed the girls were pretty young, slim and aggressive. All of them in their little bikinis and faces all made up are stars of the show. As we sat to order a round of Chang beer, I immediately noticed that look from one of the girls. With no money to spend but crazy single and lonely, you know it's hard for any single guy to stay away. But i don't want to spend the last remaining bills i had in my pocket. And even if i do, it would still be not enough to pay this girl for her time. 

There were ping pong balls everywhere. I watch in amazement how things happen by the minute. There was so much action going on, it's hard to concentrate and pick a show to see. It was too overwhelming for me, that i had to leave after a few hours.

The matron came up to our table smiling like there's no tomorrow. When we said we're not ordering anymore drinks, that's when she became horrible. We had several bills for change but she wanted to get all of that. In this kind of business, you're bound to cross paths with horrible people.

I left that night with no chick beside me but absolutely informed of what was going on. Suddenly, the rave about Patpong became clearer to me as all wrong. But i think i needed to experience this for myself. I didn't want to argue anymore. And my time and energy will only be wasted conversing with idiots.  

SECOND TIME: Again, i came back to the very same district, the very same go-go bar in Patpong. After downing a few bottles of Singa this time, i was so ready to party like a rock star. My friend wanted to see for himself the ping pong show. Amidst my disclaimers, we forged to continue on. Later that night, I found myself walking pass by the same street where i was years ago. Nothing great has changed. Patpong still looks the same. Maybe, a few more bars have opened up, and the tourists doubled as well. All of them, including me and my friend, part of the biggest rip off in Thailand.

But now, there are these men walking around. They go back and forth looking at all the people. When they spot someone who seems a likely target; single man, looks he can afford to binge drink the whole night, and wants to have a good time, they will approach him and be the best storyteller about the Ping Pong Show. They would offer him to come and go inside the club. Of course, he would pay for the drinks but the show is for free. Yeah right!

Since he will only pay for the drink, there's no need to worry as the show is for free. As soon they escort him to the club, that's the last time he will ever seen them. He will get comfortable in a couch, with only a few white guys and curious couples in sight. He will order a bottle of beer that will cost a 100 baht. As soon as he order from the bar, young girls will swarm at him. They will start touching him, caressing him, making him feel like the king of the world. These girls will request for a drink. That would be warm sodas that cost an arm and a leg. 

STOP. Say NO right at this very moment. Be cautious and don't get too drunk. Take care of your belongings and make sure essential are kept safe. Don't relax just yet. The worst is about to come. 

The show girls are now on the stage, and would pass as grannies. These women who have sucked up to the big world of prostitution, with not even a slight tinge of embarrassment, would enjoy the circus that is Patpong. These women are such pros. Yet, these women are so painful to watch. It's unbelievable how people can stand a show like this. What you will see are ping pong balls being thrown out in the air by the pressure from the woman's genitalia. A bottle of coke being sipped using a straw still by the genitalia and being transferred to a glass. Darts popping the balloons, trumpets being played, and pencils being written in a notepad all using the main talent of these women, the pressure from the genitalia.

The show has ended. The man is still in awe. The matron comes up to him, gives him the receipt even if he hasn't finished yet his bottle of beer. He will look the receipt and will be surprised that the warm beer he is drinking costs 1500 baht. Any sensible man will argue with the price, but this would mean making a scene, and more horrible people will go after him. 

These matrons have seen the darkest side of men, and you will not believe what they can do. There were lady boys there too, who look more attractive than the grannies and aunts on stage. But they are even worse than the matrons. If they've noticed you've maxed out your money for the night, they will offer you a hand job. If you say no, they will begin to act ugly and call you names. In no time, you will find yourself 1500 baht poorer, disturbed with the images you just saw, and humiliated by horrible people you want to forget.

The police and the government know all of these, so the heck with complaining with the tourism board. Pay and leave. This is the REAL DEAL. This is what's happening out there. 

I couldn't take it any loner. On my way to the exit, i saw a couple of blokes trying to get in the worst place called Super Pussy Club. I did what every responsible human being will do, inform them of what's happening inside. They left the minute i mentioned rip off alert. The manager looked at me, and i looked at him awful, sick and disgraced. 

Should you go? Go, if you want to go because i know i cannot force you anyway. If you ask me, save your money for something else. Sure, it's a show you will never see anywhere else on earth. But, are you willing to see a fifty year old sex veteran doing those tricks?  

Leave Patpong crumble into isolation until people will start to realize that they too can have fun else where. After spending a bit of time in Thailand, i know that they are one of the friendliest people in the world. On more than two occasion, i was shown the real sense of Thai hospitality.

EXCLUSIVE: On my first trip to Bangkok, i met a Thai girl who was seated across me and my buddy's table at Soi 1. She was dressed to perfection and fully made up. I started talking to her and laughing at crazy jokes. After hours of endless laughter, she ordered another round for all of us. I was ready to pay for the bill when she said, "I already paid!". She owns a local beauty salon and is just drinking her favorite Rhum cola when I met her there. She's off to go clubbing that night. I forgot her name.

On my third trip to Bangkok, i met a Thai girl again, who owns a bar which looks more of a stall on the street. She wears eyeglasses that makes her look cute even more. As i finish my third bottle, she asked me what i wanted to drink next. I said another big bottle of Chang. She came back and gave me my drink. As i was about to get my wallet out of my pocket to pay she said "no need the drink is on me". The Aussies and Irish blokes seated next to me where curious why the hell was i bought a beer. I never bothered to ask why. I came back weeks after to Bangkok before i flew to Manila. I saw her again and started drinking right at the very same spot. At about four in the morning, i was dead tired and about to call it a night. I said goodbye to her as i don't know if I'll ever see her again. She came up to me and gave the warmest hug. She kissed me on the cheek and said" I will miss talking to you, i hope you come back soon!". Up until now, i am still trying to remember her name. You know how hard it is to pronounce Thai names. But yes, she is the nicest and one of the prettiest Thai girls I've ever seen. I don't need Patpong to give me that kick. 

2 Comments:

ill never forget my Patpong experience! GOD! spare me, once is enough..

i know carlo! blame nio! ha ha! so imagine his reaction when he saw those lolas shaking their bon bons! awful!